There are many avenues through which you can form your family. It can be through a biological family, or through adoption. Some happen through friends who become family and children who become like your own. There isn’t a hard and fast rule anymore on what defines families, or how it must occur. As an adoptee, it is completely your prerogative how you choose to form your family and if you choose to have children at all. The option of you following your family’s idea is not your only choice, but simply an option should you pursue that route.

Some who were adopted may feel a pull towards adoption simply because they can relate and understand the process. You may feel the desire to adopt a child from foster care if you were previously in foster care, as you know how much it can change a child’s life and your own. However, understanding adoption and what it means, does not ultimately mean that you will adopt. Just as many feel the pull to adopt, many feel it important to have a biological child if possible. As an adoptee, some may want to have a biological connection with their child. It might be the only biological tie that they will have.

Before my husband and I adopted, I gave birth to two sons, and we had a third son from my husband’s previous marriage. Having  had my stepson in my life, I knew that to have biological children was not about wanting “a child of my own.” Of course, many may love to daydream about what it would be like to have a “mini me” running around; however, I knew that resemblance was much more than biology. My husband and I had biological children before adopting because it was financially achievable, and I wanted the experience of being pregnant.

There should be no shame in wanting to have biological children, but there should be no shame in not wanting to then as well. Adoption is such an important and beautiful journey; however, it is a journey that should be well-considered before embarking on it. No one but you can say what you should or should not do when it comes to creating your family. Your origin story does not have to reflect your children, and you do not owe explanations to anyone but your partner and yourself.

Lita Jordan is a master of all things “home.” A work-from-home, stay-at-home, homeschooling mother of five. She has a BA in Youth Ministry from Spring Arbor University. She is married to the “other Michael Jordan” and lives on coffee and its unrealistic promises of productivity. Lita enjoys playing guitar and long trips to Target. Follow her on //