Unfortunately not all reunions are what you see on television.  It’s very possible for you to locate your birth family only to learn they didn’t want to be found. In some cases a birth mother spent years trying to bury the pain of the adoption and she does not want to relive that. Some birth parents went on to have more children together or have separate families of their own. In those situations you may be a complete secret, one they are afraid of sharing. Sadly, some birth parents just have no interest in the child that was placed, not unlike the many adoptees who do not wish to search for birth family.

No matter the reason, a failed reunion can be very hurtful. The first thing you need to do is give it time. You have had the entire time you were searching to process your feelings and emotions in regard to finding your birth family. Your birth parents did not have that advantage. Their knee-jerk reaction to your arrival may not have been one of their finer moments. Give them time to ponder the idea of you being in their lives. If after some time has passed there has been no change in their acceptance of you then it’s time to move on.

You have to let go of the past and allow yourself the time to mourn the loss of your birth parents. You may be able to salvage a relationship with a different biological relative such as an aunt, uncle, or sibling. Failed reunions can be difficult and painful, but not without purpose. At least now you have the answers to the questions you have had your whole life. Now you know who and where you came from. Through your grief you can find peace.

For further information regarding search and reunion, visit adoptioninformation.com.

Ashley Foster is a freelance writer. She is a wife and a mother of two, currently residing in Florida. She loves taking trips to the beach with her husband and sons. As an infant, she was placed with a couple in a closed adoption. Ashley was raised with two sisters who were also adopted. In 2016, she was reunited with her biological family. She advocates for adoptees’ rights and DNA testing for those who are searching for family. Above all, she is thankful that she was given life.