Adoption is a huge journey for everyone in your family. Bringing a new child into the family would be an enormous adjustment regardless of whether the child is brought in via adoption or birth. When your children don’t want another member in the family, it can be both challenging and heartbreaking. Addressing this issue will largely depend on the reason for the reluctance to accept a new family member. Your reaction will also largely stem from whether you are planning to adopt an infant or an older child.

What Are the Reasons?

If your children don’t want you to adopt, it’s important to discern the reasons. The chance is high that the reasoning may largely be based on fears. Are they worried they will not get as much attention? What are their concerns? If they are unwilling to talk with you, it’s wise to have them speak with another trusted adult or therapist. Their reluctance may be based on fears that can be easily addressed. Remain open minded, and listen to their concerns with understanding, even if you feel their reasoning is not justified. It may just take a listening ear and some reassurance to help your child.

It’s Still Your Decision

If your child still isn’t on board with an adoption, even after reassurance, it will be up to you what decision you make. Your child’s not agreeing doesn’t necessarily mean you shouldn’t adopt. If your children are fearful they will not receive enough attention or are possibly worried about bonding with the child you adopt, these are issues that will resolve themselves in time as they learn from experience. If you feel that some time will resolve the issue and provide additional reassurance for your child, you may choose to wait before proceeding, giving your child time to adjust to the idea and possibly seek the counsel of a family therapist.

Written by Lita Jordan

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