What is Christian adoption? Christian adoption means a child is placed with a family or individual of the Christian faith. There are many denominations of Christianity; however, all believe that there is a God. A Christian birth mother hopes her values and the values of the prospective adoptive parents are either the same or close to the same.

1. Pros and Cons of Christian adoption

When you are considering placing your baby for Christian adoption, many birth families want a family or individual who will raise their baby with the values they hold dear. There are some pros and cons to choosing this type of adoption. 

Pros

  1. You are thinking more about the child’s needs than your wants and needs.
  2. You have decided to give your child a chance you would not be able to provide.
  3. You will be able to help a couple, individual, or family add something they may have never thought would happen for them.

Cons

  1. Even before placement, but especially after, you may find yourself wondering if you made the right decision. You could go through the stages of grief more than once.
  • Denial: You may want to deny that you were ever pregnant or that you were not able to bring your baby home from the hospital, and you feel empty. 
  • Anger: You might be angry at anyone and anything because you feel like this should not have been a decision that you had to make. Ever. 
  • Bargaining: Even after placement, you may feel like striking a deal with a higher power to make it so this choice you made never happened.
  • Depression/isolation: This stage is difficult in that, even while pregnant, you may feel hopeless and sad and find yourself wanting to be alone. After placement, you may have what is called postpartum depression, which happens to some mothers. Yours could be amplified in the fact that you did not get to bring your baby home.
  • Acceptance: Learning to accept the decision you made will aid you in healing faster. Birth mothers who have open adoptions seem to come to terms with placing their baby for adoption easier. 
  1. You experience the changes that come with being pregnant and having a baby, but you do not get to bring your baby home. 
  2. You will someday have to answer questions from your child should they seek you out if your adoption is not open, and they could be angry, hurt, and confused. 

2. Birth Mother Christian Adoption Interviews and Stories

Beth’s Christian Adoption Interview as a Birth Mother

1. What was the name of the agency you went through? 

Children’s Aid Society.

2. What were the steps you had to take through the adoption process?

I had an interview with an adoption advocate.

3. What made you choose a Christian agency vs. a secular one?

I did not choose; my mother did.

4. Did you get to meet the adoptive parents? How was it different or the same as using a secular agency?

No. Because it was a closed adoption. 

5. Did you have a preference for the prospective adoptive parents for your baby? What were those preferences?

I wanted my baby to be the second, or at least not the first baby that the adoptive parents had experienced parenthood. I wanted them to be LDS so the baby could be raised in my religion. 

6. Were you open to ethnicities for your adoption? Why or why not? 

I was not given a choice of ethnicity. At least,  I do not remember. 

7. Would you use Christian adoption again? Why? 

Yes, because I am Christian, and I believe God plays a vital role in our lives.

8. How has the experience since placement changed your life?

I was never the same. My adoption experience was in 1969-70, and it was a closed adoption. I always wondered about my baby and what happened to her. I have felt so much guilt and shame. I found her in 2001, and healing began for both of us. 

I am totally for open adoption, though, because everyone deserves to know their heritage and who they look like, where they came from, medical history, and what traits they inherited.

3. Adoptive Mother Christian Adoption Interviews and Stories

Alicia’s Adoptive Mother Interview

1. What was the name of the agency you went through? 

LDS Family Services

2. What were the steps you had to take through the adoption process?

[We wrote a] letter describing our family, why we wanted to adopt, basically selling ourselves to potential birth mothers. Picture collage, parenting classes, home study, Foster Care classes.

3. What made you choose a Christian agency vs. a secular one?

It was subsidized by our church, so it was much cheaper than a secular agency. 

4. Did you get to meet the birth mother? How was it different or the same as using a secular agency?

We did meet the birth mother, but it wasn’t because of the agency. I don’t know how it would differ because I never used a secular adoption agency. 

5. Did you have a preference for the baby/child you wanted to adopt? What were those preferences?

We just wanted a baby or young child. But I was also open to adopting older children from foster care that needed homes. 

6. Were you open to ethnicities for your adoption? Why or why not? 

We were open to all ethnicities. I didn’t want to put any specific parameters and limit my chances of getting a child. 

7. Would you use Christian adoption again? Why? 

Yes, if I was in a position to adopt again, but my baby is 15, and I don’t want any more children to raise. But if I remarry, I would be willing to take on more children as long as they aren’t young. 

8. How has the experience since placement changed your life?

 It’s been a rollercoaster ride, as parenting is… even with your biological children. And then we were able to get pregnant once the pressure was off to try having a baby, we could relax about it, and it happened naturally, without any intervention.

Khrystian’s Christian Adoption Interview 

1. What was the name of the agency you went through? 

Catholic Charities of Eastern Virginia.

2. What were the steps you had to take through the adoption process?

We had to complete a home study, complete eight hours of online coursework, and then had to have four post-placement visits.

3. What made you choose a Christian agency vs. a secular one?

We chose the agency because they were the only agency that had all the answers to our interview questions. [They] were familiar with all the military requirements and everything we needed. They also provided counseling for our birth mom before and after placement. They were also cheaper than other agencies in our area.

4. Did you get to meet the birth mother? How was it different or the same as using a secular agency?

We did not meet the birth mother. She decided on a closed adoption.

5. Did you have a preference for the baby/child you wanted to adopt? What were those preferences?

We did not have a preference.

6. Were you open to ethnicities for your adoption? Why or why not? 

We did not have a preference. 

7. Would you use Christian adoption again? Why? 

We aren’t using a Christian agency this time. We used an attorney.

8. How has the experience since placement changed your life?

 We enjoy going to the yearly mixer and watching the other kids and the kids who were born around our daughter’s birthday grow up. 

Nicole’s Christian Adoption Interview and Story

1. What was the name of the agency you went through?

LDS Family Services

2. What were the steps you had to take through the adoption process? 

We had to fill out all necessary paperwork with the adoption agency, establish a profile with the agency, have a background clearance check performed, become CPR and foster certified, be selected by a birth mother, [and] complete a home study. We completed all necessary legal steps with the help of the agency and went to court to certify our adoptions before judges in California.

3. What made you choose a Christian agency vs. a secular one?

We chose LDS family services because the cost was subsidized by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints as we are members of that church.

4. Did you get to meet the birth mother? How was it different or the same as using a secular agency?

Yes, we met [the] birth mothers in person after each of our daughters’ births at the hospital. I did not have the opportunity of using a secular agency, so I could not tell you firsthand how it is different or the same. However, I can tell you it was a great blessing to my family to have the cost subsided by our church.

5. Did you have a preference for the baby/child you wanted to adopt? What were those preferences? 

No

6. Were you open to ethnicities for your adoption? Why or why not?

Yes, we were open to different ethnicities because I would love any adopted child regardless of their ethnicity.  However, (although my opinion does not come from firsthand experience) I do believe some challenges come with adopting children of an ethnicity other than that of you and/or your spouse.

7. Would you use Christian adoption again? Why?

Yes, because we had a good experience using a Christian adoption agency. However, the particular agency we used no longer acts as an adoption agency.

8. How has the experience since placement changed your life?

It has given my husband and me the opportunity to have two wonderful daughters we love with all our heart[s]. I believe it was a divine blessing, and I am grateful to God and all those who had a part in helping to make our adoptions possible.

Nicole’s Christian Adoption Journey

I grew up knowing that according to a medical condition I was born with, I would not have the opportunity to get pregnant and have a family as most women do. My husband and I both wanted a family and struggled through the disappointment of two failed attempts of IVF. 

After the second failed attempt, my husband and I decided it was time to make an effort to adopt. We set up an adoption profile with LDS Family Services, an agency associated with our church, and went through all that is required by law to adopt in California. We took foster classes and became CPR certified.  

A few months after completing our adoption profile, and about nine months after our second failed attempt at IVF, we received a call from LDS Family Services that a mother, who had previously placed a child for adoption with the agency, had just given birth to a baby girl and was interested in placing the child for adoption with us. We met the birth mother and our first daughter that evening. For us, it all happened so quickly; it was a dream come true we had been chosen. 

We picked up a few essential baby items and miraculously took our daughter home two days later. We went through the process of a home study and doing all that was necessary to legally become her parents. There were ups and downs as there were some complications which made it take a few months longer than the six months we expected. 

At times I remember being frustrated and feeling like other happily married mothers who simply gave birth to have families with their husbands had it easier than I did. I was feeling particularly overburdened and searching for answers from God. An answer clearly came into my heart that this baby girl who had been placed in my care was meant to be a part of my family, and I was to love her and raise her just as though I was her biological mother. The adoption was finalized, and my husband and I legally became parents. Over 15 years have passed since she was born and placed in my care, and I will forever love her with all of my heart and treat her no differently than if she were biologically my own.

Our second adoption happened over three years after our first daughter was born. When our first daughter was about two years old, we decided it was time to try to expand our family once again. We updated our adoption profile with the same agency and waited. 

We had a few contacts and once had a meeting with a mother of a disabled daughter who needed to place a baby up for adoption. The very few contacts we had for over a year did not seem right. This was somewhat frustrating to me as our first experience happened much more quickly. I remember even considering paying a finding agency, in addition to the adoption agency we had worked with, to help us find the right placement. 

After prayer and much consideration, I realized I needed to be patient and trust in God’s hand in placing another child in our family. Shortly thereafter, my husband and I began corresponding with a pregnant mother. She was many months away from being due to give birth. She was not as young as many women who choose to place a child for adoption commonly are. She had a job, a home, and sufficiently supported herself. She wanted the child she was planning on placing to have a married mother and father. She was searching for a family to place with that could provide the child with something more than what she could provide at that time. 

Although we could not meet in person since she lived in a different state than we did at the time, we continued to correspond regularly and got to know each other better. I was amazed by her strength and conviction to do what was best even though it was difficult. My husband and I were overjoyed when on Mother’s Day,  about three months before giving birth,  our second daughter’s birth mother announced she felt it was the right thing to do to place the baby girl with us. 

We had more time to prepare than our first experience but had other trials to endure we had not yet experienced. For me, the placement itself was more emotional as I had much more time to personally connect with a very special woman who was placing a child in our care. The significance of her sacrifice and the weight of responsibility and trust placed in our family was very emotional for me. 

After she gave birth, my husband, my first daughter, and my mom traveled to Idaho to pick up our second daughter. After meeting our second daughter’s birth mother and her biological family in the hospital, we were able to take her with us from the hospital the very next day. 

To comply with the state adoption laws, we stayed at a resort nearby in Idaho for a few days until we had clearance to leave the state with our second daughter. We completed the same home study process as we had before. In accordance with the laws of the state of Idaho where she was born and California law, where we lived at the time, we were once again overjoyed to be able to finalize the adoption of our second daughter when she was six months old. Just as our first daughter, we love and accept her with all of our hearts as our own.

To me, an open adoption has allowed my husband and me to be selected by my daughters’ birth mothers. It has also allowed for the opportunity of communication between their birth mothers and biologically related family members. We are forever grateful to their birth mothers, and open adoption hopefully has allowed them and their families to feel more comfortable having placed a child in our care. 

The birth mothers and their biological family members have access to contacting us. They have access to pictures and updates as requested and appropriate. As legal parents, our first interest is what is best for our daughters. Our daughters are aware they have been adopted and have been taught adoption is a blessing in our lives. 

As our daughters feel comfortable and are open to learning more about their birth families, we will be able to give them, or they will have access to, desired information. Neither of my daughters asks questions about their biological heritage. I am confident there will be a point in their lives when they are more mature and will openly want to know more. When that time comes, they can easily have direct personal contact with their biological heritage because of the open adoption. It will be open to their choice.

These interviews and stories hopefully aid you as either a birth mother or prospective adoptive parents as you ponder whether Christian adoption is the avenue you want to take as you make decisions about your adoption journey.

DISCLAIMER: These stories and interviews are to give you a glimpse into Christian adoption. If you are contemplating it as either a birth mother/parents or prospective adoptive parents, please contact an agency or adoption attorney in your area.

Are you and your partner ready to start the adoption process? Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98 to begin your adoption journey. We have 130+ years of adoption experience and would love to help you.

Jenn Martin-Wright is a cowboy, jean-wearing, country music and rock-loving cowgirl who loves books and jewelry. She was born three months too early with a disability that should have taken any semblance of a normal life from her. Her mom made sure Jenn did everything she was capable of. Coming from a big family, it was either keep up or get left in the dust. Jenn graduated high school, then went on to getting married, having kids, and receiving a BS in Social Work. Jenn lives in Idaho with her kids and a Maltese named Oakley who has become her writing helper as she writes novels under an alias of different genres.