Choosing a hopeful adoptive family with whom to place your child will be one of the most important decisions you will ever make. It is no surprise that this should be done carefully and with a lot of consideration. You have the right to express the desires you have for how your child will be raised and the dreams you hold for them in regards to what type of life he or she might have with their adoptive family. With this in mind, it only makes sense that there will be reasons you may decline a hopeful adoptive family. In making the choice with whom to place your child, you will want to know what you are looking for and what your non-negotiables are.
If you were brought up in a certain faith, it is logical that you might want your child to learn about that faith as he grows. You may also have a preference for your child to not be brought up in a certain faith, you may make your choice of adoptive parents based on these preferences. When choosing a hopeful adoptive family, make your preferences known. Many families will include their religious affiliations in their profiles. It is ok to turn down a profile if there is anything about the family, including religion, with which you are not comfortable.
I grew up in a family with three siblings. My husband had five siblings in his home as he grew up, along with multiple kids from the neighborhood that they spent time with. While having a lot of siblings was not always a walk in the park, we both wanted our children to have siblings. One of my closest friends grew up as an only child and loved that experience. For her, she has no plans of having more than one child. How did you grow up? What do you envision for your child? You may want to choose an adoptive family that already has children. You may want to choose an adoptive family that has no children and only plans to adopt. When choosing a hopeful adoptive family, take into consideration the family you envision for your child. It is also advisable to keep an open mind. Familial makeup may be something that is not necessarily a deal-breaker.
The location in which the adoptive family lives may be especially important if you hope to have an open adoption. If you and the adoptive family are both open to visits, being closer in proximity will be incredibly helpful. As you are viewing profiles of adoptive parents, you may find yourself drawn to a family based on where they live. There may be a family that lives on a farm and your child will grow up around horses. There may be another family that lives in a city with all of the best schools and opportunities. Take these things into consideration when viewing profiles. If you do not want your child to grow up in a certain area or if the family lives too far away for open adoption preferences, you may want to keep looking.
When all is said and done, you can decline a hopeful adoptive family for any reason you choose. If you do not feel that they are a good fit simply because your gut tells you they aren’t, you can choose to decline them. If the choice is yours, you will want to be comfortable with that choice. There will be a wealth of families from whom to choose. Take your time, trust your intuition, and exercise your right to make the choice based on your hopes and dreams for your child moving forward.
Lita Jordan is a master of all things “home.” A work-from-home, stay-at-home, homeschooling mother of five. She has a BA in Youth Ministry from Spring Arbor University. She is married to the “other Michael Jordan” and lives on coffee and its unrealistic promises of productivity. Lita enjoys playing guitar and long trips to Target. Follow her on www.facebook.com/halfemptymom/.