As a birth mother, I wonder if I’m the right person to be writing this article, but I will do my best to do justice to why I believe we don’t hear more from birth fathers. Off the top of my head, I can list a bunch of reasons.
In our society, men aren’t “supposed to” talk about subjects that evoke emotion and tend to stay away from subjects that deal with guilt, shame, or other negative connotations. Placing a child for adoption comes with a lifelong grief process and a feeling of inadequacy in being unable to parent your child and provide for him or her adequately. It’s hard enough for a birth mother to put into words how that feels, but almost unheard of for a birth father to try.
Another reason I believe we don’t hear more from birth fathers is because, in a lot of states and placement situations, their “rights” are kind of a joke. While I won’t get into the subject of those men who put women into situations where they need to consider adoption, there are men who are never given the chance to parent because the laws in their state make it hard for them to have a say. Their rights can be forfeited before the child is even born. The ins and outs of putative father registries or notifying potential fathers can be hard to understand or unknown unless you know to ask about them. To be honest, I can understand why they may feel unimportant in the process and feel that they don’t have a say in what is to happen with their child.
This is why I think we don’t hear more from birth fathers, but I wish that we did. I want them to know that I care about their rights and feelings and would love to hear how or if they would like the adoption process to change.
Samantha resides in Weirton, WV, with her fiance and myriad of animals. She is a birth mother to a two-year-old boy in a very open adoption, and has come to think of his family as part of her own. She spends her free time talking to others about adoption, writing, and playing board games with friends.