What If the Reunion with My Birth Parents Wasn’t What I Wanted?

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Sometimes we make decisions based on something that seems like a good idea at the time, when in reality it’s not. Finding birth parents can be an incredibly wonderful, fulfilling experience. Sometimes, though, it’s like walking into a storm that disrupts your entire life. There are many reasons a person might decide it wasn’t a good idea to reunite. Maybe your birth parents aren’t who you thought they would be. Maybe you have absolutely nothing in common with them. You may feel no connection at all to them, or maybe they are clingy and smothering you.

I always suggest that when you first make contact with your birth parents, you use a form of communication that can be easily abandoned if need be. Use caution in the beginning until you are sure the relationship is one you value pursuing. Some people are sure of what they want to do right away, while others may take more time. If you are already in reunion and you don’t want to continue corresponding, you should try to be as honest with them as possible.

Just explain to them that the experience has not been what you expected. Explain that you feel things have progressed too quickly, if that’s the case. Remember that you have to look out for yourself. If your birth parents do not bring joy to your life or add to it in a positive way, then the best thing for you to do may be to limit contact, if not entirely eliminate it. Don’t forget, though, you may have siblings, aunts, uncles, or grandparents who may be worth keeping in your life. It really depends on what it is about your reunion that you are unhappy with. While you can’t go back and redo the whole search, there are many things you can do to improve your current situation.



Ashley Foster is a freelance writer. She is a wife and mother of two currently residing in Florida. She loves taking trips to the beach with her husband and sons. As an infant, she was placed with a couple in a closed adoption. Ashley was raised with two sisters who were also adopted. In 2016, she was reunited with her biological family. She advocates for adoptees’ rights and DNA testing for those who are searching for family. Above all, she is thankful that she was given life. You can read her blog at http://ashleysfoster.blogspot.com/.

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