We waited almost six years to be matched with our son’s birth mother. At many points in our journey, I was feeling discouraged and worn out. Like clockwork, I would reach out to our social worker, who, I must say, was as sweet and caring as one can be, but she could not sympathize or relate to what I was going. She suggested that I try to connect with one of the adoptive mothers that had gone through their agency. She had a particular mother in mind. I was desperate and willing to do anything to help get me through this waiting stage. So I agreed to meet with her.
She had just adopted her little girl, six months prior. So she asked if it would be okay to bring her child with her. At first, I thought it was going to be too painful to talk and hang out with someone who had already adopted while we were still waiting, but this adoptive mother and I met for coffee. Surprisingly, it was encouraging. It was great to see the happiness at the end of the tunnel. Well, at least for them. It gave me hope as to what it would be like when the agency finally matched us.
Then, she said something to me that has stuck ever since. She said, “You are not waiting for any child, you are waiting for the child that is meant to be yours.” At the time I thought, girl you are crazy. I wasn’t picky. I just wanted to have a baby, any baby.
Then, we matched with our son’s birth mother. Our experience with her changed me, and most certainly changed how I felt about what the other adoptive mother told me about waiting for your child. When I pictured what our journey would look like, I imagined being matched with an expecting mother long in her pregnancy and our “wait” period would be short. We would get a call, and shortly after, we would be welcoming our child into the world. Well, I was wrong about that. In fact, we had a long journey with our son’s birth mother, by meeting her when she was just 19 weeks pregnant, but I would not have changed a thing. Our relationship with our son’s birth mother has become one of the most beautiful experiences I have had in my life.
When our son was an infant, he looked exactly like my husband. I can’t tell you how many times we were out in public and people would say, “Wow, he looks just like daddy.” We would look at each other and smile. Knowing, fully well, that they didn’t know he was adopted, but we embraced the compliments! As our son continues to get older we continually tell him, you are just like your mother, or just like your dad.
Had I known then what I know now, I would have understood what the adoptive mother had said. I didn’t wait six years for any child; I waited six years for the child that was created specifically for us. I would like to offer the same encouragement to all the mothers and fathers waiting. I know it sounds “easy” since we already have our child, but I can not stress enough that you are not just waiting for some child to come your way; you are waiting for the child that was created long before you knew, just for you. Hang on your time will come!
Jessica Heesch is an avid runner and fitness guru by choice, occasional writer by coincidence, loved by an amazing husband, and mother to an incredible boy, Jackson, by the gift of adoption.