That is really up to you. Each person is different and has a different story to tell. You should do whatever makes you the most comfortable. When I first made contact with my birth family, I spoke with my sisters over the phone first. Everyone was excited and had a lot of questions. We exchanged information about our lives. We told each other about what schools we had been to, our jobs, our kids. I told them what my life had been like growing up. We spent some time shocked and amazed at some of the similarities in our personalities and interests.

After that I start emailing my birth mom. The first letter started with a short introduction of me and my life. The next few letters addressed the events surrounding my adoption. I had a few questions for her. I wanted to know why I had been placed. Once I was comfortable with the answers I had received, our conversations moved on for good. I can’t imagine that time was altogether pleasant for her, and I didn’t see the need to dwell on it. You can’t change the past, so you might as well move on. Now we stick to current events. I tell her about what’s going on with my kids and my husband. She tells me about her job and my grandmother.

My birth family travels to see me often. We message online and text each other. It has always been easy to talk to them. It wasn’t awkward at all as I imagined it would be. It just feels like they have always been a part of my life. Try not to worry. When you are with them the words will come.

You may want to read one of these articles as well:

10 Things You Need To Know About Adoption Search and Reunion

Meeting My Birth Mother for the First Time

For a comprehensive guide to find birth parents, visit


Ashley Foster is a freelance writer. She is a wife and a mother of two, currently residing in Florida. She loves taking trips to the beach with her husband and sons. As an infant, she was placed with a couple in a closed adoption. Ashley was raised with two sisters who were also adopted. In 2016, she was reunited with her biological family. She advocates for adoptees’ rights and DNA testing for those who are searching for family. Above all, she is thankful that she was given life.