“Adoption means more people to call family.”
“Adoption means that I get to have a Mommy and Daddy.”
“Adoption means I put the child I birthed over my own needs and desires.”
“Adoption means I can finally share the love inside my heart with a child in need.”
Adoption is a much-known word, which carries both great significance and importance. If you look up the definition of adoption you will find that adoption is a noun meaning, “The action or fact of adopting or being adopted.” We understand this word can be used in a different way than the legal action of adopting a child, but, just the same, don’t those synonyms truly signify, in part, what Adoption means to us all? It’s a life-changing word that impacts many children and families around the world. So the question I’m answering for you today, why is adoption worth it?
Adoption is Worth it Because of a Child’s Need for a Family
Reflect back on your childhood. For some that doesn’t seem so long ago. Others, it may feel like a lifetime ago. Yet, all of us are able to think back to the time when we were children, flashes of moments past, memories, joyous occasions, traditions, vacations. We can almost play a mini-series of these events in our minds. Sure, we have all experienced heartache, pain, and sadness throughout our lifetime, but for the majority, when you look back on your childhood, a smile appears on your face. When reminiscing about those times you often remember the people with who you shared these experiences with. Family, friends, schoolmates, siblings, and parents all play a part in the memories you hold. I know personally, my childhood was not out of a storybook. My family was far from perfect and we had many cracks and flaws in the unit, but when I look back, I see those that surrounded me. I see my sister, parents, grandparents, cousins, and friends. Your family core memories center on almost everything.
Now, think of those children who don’t have a family to share their childhood with. The children who face life alone, who hope one day to feel the embrace of a mother’s love, to feel the safety of fathers strong arms, the longing for sibling rivalry and mischievousness, and the blanket of security a family brings. Imagine looking back on your childhood and having to face this world without a supportive family unit beside you. How different would your memories look?
Each year the numbers increase regarding how many children sit by and wait for a family; a family, they always deserved. There are roughly 135,000 children in the United States alone adopted every year. That does not factor in the number of children waiting for their forever family. Approximately 122,216 United States children in the year 2019 were awaiting adoption. That’s 122,216 children growing up without the secure family unit they have longed to have. It is memories they have yet to create, a house to call their home, a family to call their own, and parents that are theirs permanently. These children deserve the right to look back on memories with people who support, love, care, protect, teach, instill, and cherish them. They deserve childhood carefree moments. They deserve an upbringing worth reminiscing. Adoption is worth it for the children in need.
A Different Appreciation of Life
Sometimes we take our children for granted. We love them of course, but after a long day listening to the same things being said, tripping over scattered toys, being at everyone’s beck and call; well, we parents are tired. We lose sight of how precious some moments are when we are clouded over by the trials and tribulations of the day’s events. On days that have been particularly exhausting, I look to my son, the handsome boy that I am fortunate enough to call my own, and the boy whom I adopted.
Being an adoptive parent means that you witnessed first-hand what your child had to endure to get into the family unit. Maybe you heard the horror stories of the scars that were carved, maybe you witnessed the trauma they experienced at losing their birth family, and maybe you witnessed a sad and broken journey. On the other hand, you also may have also gotten a glimpse of a beautiful selfless soul wanting more for the child that she birthed and choosing to do right by them. You may have been a woman feeling an incomplete hole in her heart, waiting to one day be a mom and finally being placed with a child. The roller coaster ride is significant and takes willpower, whether in beauty or wrapped in turmoil, it is a journey never to be forgotten. It brought this beautiful life into your home, gave this beautiful human a safe place, a home, and a forever life; bearing your last name. Just looking at my son, I am immersed with appreciation. The way he overcame his birth story, the way he cut through the medical tape and proved the professionals wrong, the remarkable joy he finds in life, and the love that radiates around him, all make an impact on how I view and appreciate the life I was given and the role I embarked as his mother. He was just a tiny six-pound and seven-ounce baby bundle, yet he was stronger than anyone I know. He knew early on that his life was a gift that he didn’t intend to waste. He made the best of every card dealt and overcame every roadblock. He made me a stronger person just by witnessing and enduring all of this with him. Even after years of being his mother, I am still in awe when I glance his way. Birthing a child is special and significant as well and I will never dismiss or lighten that, but being an adoptive mother gives you an entirely different perspective. It’s easy to take something for granted that came simple. It’s the things we have to work really hard for, that we appreciate and never forget. I will always appreciate and be thankful for the blessings that came my way. Adoption has personally given me, much to be thankful for.
Adoption is Worth it Because You Will Find a Village
You may be familiar with the saying “It takes a village to raise a child.” No truer statement has ever been made. Community, family, and friends, are all beneficial when raising a child. Likewise, this is just as important if not more so, in an adoptive family. There are three sides to adoption. In the adoptive community, many are familiar with the adoption triad: birth family, adoptive family, and adoptee. The triad signifies three essential roles that make adoption so special and important. On their own, each has their role, thoughts, family, story, and experience; but together they create one union.
When I adopted my son as a single parent, I could have legally chosen to close the door on those biologically linked to him. I had no obligations to carry on a relationship with these individuals and some could argue that would be an easier choice. What would he lose really? Well, the village. Through our own personal journey, I had experienced how important it really is to have a village of many in your child’s life. Instead of having just one family here, and a family of his past, he has a large group of individuals merged together, all equally loving him. He has an extended biological family that became part of our family, he has my own biological family as his own, and together we have merged and bonded together creating one. Like a braid with three parts, tying together in unison; our families merged and became stronger. He has access to resources that he may have not had otherwise, I have an even larger support system to lean on and turn to for guidance, and there is much more love and blessings enveloping the two of us. Even though at the core it is just my son and me, we have the strong foundation of many around us. Adoption has brought more love into our hearts than expected. Adoption brought three separate families and made them whole. I will forever be thankful for the wonderful village adoption has introduced me to.
For Those Who Always Wanted a Family
When you think of adoption you may think of the child and how that child will benefit by being adopted or becoming part of a family. According to research, six percent of women between the ages of 15 and 44 in the United States are infertile. 12 percent of women in that same age range struggle with carrying a pregnancy to term and have difficulty conceiving. For those women desperate to have a family, that can be quite troubling and devastating. I have witnessed those around me struggle in this area in their lives. I saw how complicated conceiving a child can actually be. I witnessed the sadness and emotions of miscarriages, ectopic pregnancy, medical misfortunes, and overall struggle of emotions. It can take an emotional toll on a human and even cause some scarring in a marriage partnership.
With adoption being so relevant in today’s society, for every individual praying to be a parent, there is a child waiting to be cared for. Adoption gives these individuals and opportunity to have a child welcomed into their home that they can love, guide, protect, and parent. Being a single adoptive mother, I never struggled personally with infertility. My reasons for adoption were not because I couldn’t birth a child of my own but more of a personal choice. Likewise, there are a lot of single individuals who have dreamed to become a parent but who haven’t found the partnership to aid in dual parenting. There are mothers out there who only dream of having a baby or child to call their own. There are fathers out there, wishing to finally be a dad and carry on their family traditions. Adoption is something worth exploring. You don’t have to birth a child to be the perfect parent. You don’t have to be biologically connected to a child, for them to be part of your heart. Adoption doesn’t just change a child’s life; it changes the adoptive parent’s life as well. I didn’t realize how incomplete I was before my son came along and filled the most important place in my heart. I may have changed his world, but he forever completed mine.
For the Birth Parents Who Gave Their Child the Best Chance
There are many women out there that have a high respect for the gift of life. From the moment they conceive they want the best for the baby they are carrying. Some have waited patiently or even impatiently for the second line of the pregnancy test to reveal a positive. Other women experience different emotions when reading these test results. There is no right or wrong way to feel when finding out you are pregnant. From the start, there are mothers who know how this will end. They begin their research, educate themselves, and contact agencies. For some mothers, their most selfless moment in life was placing their child for adoption. They were able to recognize their strengths and capabilities and put the needs of their child at the forefront.
I can’t begin to recognize the feelings and emotions tied with this heroic act. Though some may not understand, in that very moment, in that choice, these mothers embodied the true definition of being a mother. In giving your child a chance at the best life, you are being a mom. The legal action of adoption has made this opportunity available for the mothers that are not able to be a permanent, everyday mom. They were still able to provide their child with a life, a chance at a secure home environment, and with parents that would fulfill the role of mom and dad. In many cases, there is an opportunity for open adoptions which would allow birth mothers access to getting to know their child, and being witness to their upbringing. This could be a wonderful provision and opportunity for some birth mothers. I recently wrote an article titled “Never too late: Birth Mother Seeks Out Child.” You can find this article and more like it on Adoption.com, Adoption.org, and Adopting.org. This particular article was based on the experience of a birth mother and her journey. She, after many years still believes adoption was the best choice she could have made for her son. She doesn’t have any regrets and she is thankful this was and is a provision for birth mothers alike. Adoption was and is still very worth it to her and her family.
I can sit here, typing away all day and listing off reasons I believe, adoption is worth it. There are so many reasons that this act is proving worthwhile worldwide. It has affected and changed so many lives in the United States alone but has also benefited families all around the world. It has been beneficial to all parts of the adoption triad and has impacted everyone deeply. As I finish up typing this article and hear my son giggling and throwing his toys around I personally have a million and one reasons Adoption is worth it. Every moment of every day spent with my son will only give me more and more reasons, because for me and my family, adoption is not only worth it, it’s everything worth smiling about.
Janelle Oliveira grew up and spent all of her adult life in the state of Massachusetts. For just shy of 31 years, she has been a kind-hearted, outgoing, silly, motherly, caring, wholesome individual. She has a strong passion for writing and since the age of 11 has dreamed of seeing her words in print. She published her first children’s book in 2019 after adopting her son in 2018. She dedicated her children’s book “Mommy’s heart” which focuses on adoption, to her five-year-old son as well as all the other littles in the world touched by the adoption process. She has high hopes to further her career as a writer and is in the process of publishing two other children’s stories. Her passion for adoption and writing has led her to all of you. Becoming a storyteller for Adoption.com has brought her so much joy. Entertaining others as well as helping as many people she can is something she feels strongly about. Having been through the adoption process herself, having devoted time working as a foster parent with the department of children and families, having a strong desire to touch lives, and having a lifelong passion for getting her writing out there makes her feel confident she will be able to bring you the content you are looking for. Hopefully, she keeps you yearning for more!