If you are unexpectedly pregnant and considering adoption for your child, you probably have a lot of questions. One of those questions may be: How do babies up for adoption find homes? That is an excellent question and the answer is up to you. As an expectant parent considering adoption, you can choose the home you want for your child. You can choose to keep your child and raise them for yourself or choose from the various types of adoption options available. There are closed, semi-open, and open adoptions. Below I will explain each one and give more details about how you choose the home for your child.
Closed Adoption
A closed adoption is one where the birth mother and the adoptive family do not contact each other after the birth mother places her child through adoption. No addresses or names are exchanged and there is no way to contact each other if a need arises. In closed adoptions, most of the time an expectant mother will choose the home for her child, and she may even meet the prospective adoptive family. She can choose someone she knows or go through an adoption attorney or agency to find an adoptive family for her child.
Of course, you can also allow someone else to choose the home for your child. If you are overwhelmed and unable to make a decision, you can give someone else the power to choose for you. More than likely that person will be an employee at an adoption attorney’s office or at an adoption agency. It is rare for this to happen, so this would have to be the expectant mother’s choice, but it does happen occasionally.
Closed adoptions are not as common today as they used to be, but they are still an option. If the closed adoption route is the way you want to go, then contacting an adoption agency or an adoption attorney would be the best way for you to start the process of finding a home for your child.
Semi-Open or Open Adoption
Of course, you can also choose to have a semi-open or open adoption. In these types of adoptions, there is some contact between the birth mother and the adoptive family after the adoption is complete. The amount of contact depends on whether the adoption is open or semi-open but there is more contact in an open adoption than in a semi-open adoption.
In a semi-open adoption, a birth mother can receive yearly letters and pictures from the adoptive family through the adoption attorney or adoption agency. These letters give the birth mother updates about how her child is doing and the pictures show them how they are growing. In some cases, the birth mother can send letters to the adoptee and the adoptive family through the adoption attorney or adoption agency. Usually, semi-open adoptions require the work of a professional to act as the liaison for both parties involved.
In an open adoption, the birth parents and the adoptive parents may decide to exchange names, addresses, phone numbers, and other contact information. The birth mother may have visits with the adoptee and their family or communicate through phone calls, letters, or social media. The level of openness and amount of communication varies for each adoption and is agreed upon by the birth mother and the adoptive families in the adoption agreement.
In both a semi-open or an open adoption, the birth mother chooses the family she wants to adopt her child. She can also develop a relationship with them before the adoption. This will help the birth mother to feel like she is a part of their family even before she allows them to adopt her child. It will also help to establish clear and open communication that can aid their long-term relationship.
Semi-open and open adoptions allow for the exchange of information about medical records or other pertinent information that may be needed and beneficial to an adoptee. It also allows the adoptee to know where they came from biologically and to have access to their biological family in case any health issues arise. It is a relationship that can help everyone involved in the adoption triad (adoptee, birth parents, and adoptive parents).
Think Positively
Any expectant mother would worry about how babies given up for adoption find new homes. The truth of the matter is that only you can answer this question since it will be your choice. All choices should start out with positive thinking so first, let’s talk about positive adoption language. Adoption is a beautiful and courageous choice. Don’t let anyone tell you that it’s not. If this is what you want, do it, but do it with a positive mindset. Saying that you will give up your baby for adoption sends the wrong message. No one is giving up! Instead of thinking that you will give up your baby for adoption, tell yourself that you will be placing your baby for adoption. In the long run, thinking positively will help you and your baby.
Options
One thing that remains the same, no matter what type of adoption you choose, is the fact that there are numerous homes and families that would love the opportunity to adopt a child. They are eagerly awaiting the moment when a birth mother chooses their family and their dreams are fulfilled. I know this because I would love that opportunity and I know many others like myself who would also love to adopt a child.
Expectant mothers who choose to place their child in an adoptive home are rock stars. They know that they cannot provide the life that they want for their child and so they find a family that can and trust them the very precious gift of a child. As a birth mother, you have a lot of choices and so you should make sure that you feel right about the home and family that you choose for your child before the adoption is complete.
The signing of the adoption papers for semi-open and open adoptions is not the end of your relationship and so you should choose a family you can see yourself working well with. Birth parents and adoptive parents will continue to communicate and share their respective love for the child throughout the child’s life. So choose a family that you like and will provide the life you want for your child.
Ways to Find a Home
Now that you know the different types of adoptions available and that there are a lot of options for adoptive families to choose from, you may still be wondering how babies up for adoption find homes. Well, the truth is there are so many different ways for you to find a family and a home for your child.
Sometimes birth mothers find adoptive families for their child by knowing someone who is wanting to adopt. Sometimes someone they know tells them about a family who wants to adopt. In other words, a friend of a friend becomes the adoptive parents for your child. In other cases, prospective adoptive families create webpages or reach out through social media to find someone who is looking to place their child. The birth mother comes across the website or posting and she decides to place her child with that couple or family.
Although the previous examples of finding an adoptive home for your child do happen, there are also women who place a child through adoption who do not find a family or a home for their child on their own. These women go through an adoption agency or an adoption attorney. Both adoption agencies and adoption attorneys have family profiles that a birth mother can go through.
Family Profiles
Family profiles are either books or digital pages that provide birth mothers with information on people who are looking to adopt. Profiles include pictures of the family, information about their hobbies, where they live, what job they have, what type of adoption they are looking for, and a biography about them. Many of them include letters written to expectant mothers who are considering adoption. If you would like to look through a few family profiles, click this link.
How Can You Choose?
Of course, profiles are just a place to get started. You can come up with a list of questions you want to know about the future home and family of your child. Those questions can be asked when you meet the prospective adoptive family or families that you are considering. As you meet with the families you can discuss how they will raise your child and what activities they will make available for them to participate in. You can see if they have similar parenting philosophies and if they are the type of couple or family you want raising your child.
Many birth mothers have mentioned that they simply knew when they met the right couple. It was almost instinctive for them. However, not every birth mother is the same and it may take time to decide who you want to raise your child. Try asking yourself these questions when you are making this decision:
- Do you feel comfortable with the prospective adoptive family?
- Can you picture having a continued relationship with them, if you chose an open or semi-open adoption?
- Do they have similar interests and parenting tactics?
- Do they have similar religious interests as yourself and will they raise your children religiously the way you would like?
- Do they want the same kind of adoption as you? (open, semi-open, or closed)
- Do you like the idea of having this family raise your child?
- What type of lifestyle do they lead and is that the lifestyle that you want for your child?
These are just a few suggestions for questions to consider. I recommend that you make a list of the questions that you want to ask so that your discussions with prospective adoptive families are more productive.
Can You Get Help?
Making a decision about who you want to place your child with can be challenging and you may want help as you make this decision. You can talk with family or friends about this decision and ask for their advice. They can think of some questions to ask or offer helpful advice so you can see a new perspective about the prospective adoptive family or the adoption in general. Receiving help can make the choice less stressful because you will know that you are not making it on your own.
Help and support will come in handy after the adoption when your family and friends can talk about all the things they like about the adoptive family. Your family and friends will be the ones there for you after the adoption is complete and they can help you more by being involved in the entire adoption process. Knowing that they helped choose the adoptive family will be a comfort to both you and your support network.
The birth father may want to be involved as well. Allowing him the opportunity to help choose the adoptive family for his child will help him be involved in the process. He may have some specific things that he wants in a family for his child. Maybe he wants a father who will play sports with his son or daughter. He may want a mother who reads to her children every night. Whatever is important to him, will be important in the decision of who to place your child with.
Is the Choice Ever Taken Away?
I hope this is not a question that you are thinking of, but if it is let me help you navigate through this difficult idea. If you are expecting a child and you are taking care of yourself and your body, then it is unlikely that the choice of what happens to your child will be taken away from you. Although parents or other family members may want to influence your decision, it is not their decision to make. In the end, you will decide the home for your baby.
If you are not taking care of yourself and your body, then the choice may not be yours. When an expectant mother is addicted to drugs and alcohol it impacts the child. Endangering a child or being negligent in your care can lead to government involvement. In order to make sure that you are the one making decisions for yourself and your child, keep yourself safe. Avoid addicting chemicals and abusive relationships so that you and your child are safe and so you can make your own choices.
The Choice is Yours
Figuring out how babies up for adoption find homes is easy. The choice is yours as an expectant mother. What isn’t easy is making the decision. Just remember, that everyone involved in the adoption community knows that it is hard to choose adoption. That is why there are so much love and respect for expectant mothers who choose adoption for their child. Birth mothers do not give up their child. Instead, they make a choice to give their child a great life and to bless the home of an adoptive family. Thank you for considering adoption and for trying to find a loving home for your precious child. Best of luck on the journey.
Jennifer Autry