Pregnancy can be a wonderful and joyous time for a woman. But if you find yourself unexpectedly pregnant, fears and doubts could be clouding your mind. When facing an unexpected pregnancy, all kinds of people you run into will have lots of questions about your baby. If you’re considering placing your baby for adoption, the unplanned pregnancy counselor will have questions about your pregnancy, and so will the adoptive parents.
Before we dive into the informal parts of this article, I’d like to share a story that my friend, Jane, has told me about how she dealt with a wide range of inquiries she faced when she became unexpectedly pregnant. The questions ranged from mean-spirited questions to very good-natured questions, both coming from friends, family, coworkers, and strangers. Figuring out just how to respond to those questions can be tough, but it doesn’t have to be. In this article, I’ll provide a list of common inquiries from the people who ask you about your unexpected pregnancy, and how you should respond to each.
Jane’s Unexpected Pregnancy Story
When I was 15, I realized I was pregnant. I was in my junior year of high school, and I had goals to go to college to become an English teacher. I knew that having a baby so young and so soon would derail my plans on going to college, and I wasn’t together with the baby’s father, so I thought about my options.
I talked with my mom about my pregnancy, and I was worried about what she would say. Surprisingly, she was supportive of any decision I chose to make. She took me to see an amazing pregnancy counselor, and she talked to me like I was an adult instead of an irresponsible teenager. The pregnancy counselor discussed all of the options with me, and I chose to place my baby for adoption. The pregnancy counselor also asked me what type of family I pictured my baby being placed with, and I told her I wanted my baby to be in a Christian family since my Christian faith is important to me. I also told her I’d like my baby to be in a loving home, and with a family who’s also accepting of open adoption.
As I got further along in my pregnancy, I had so many people ask me if I was keeping the baby, and people who I thought were my friends, ask me if I got pregnant to be on some TV show. I told them that I was placing my baby for adoption, and no, I didn’t purposely get pregnant to be on TV. My relatives asked me why I was placing the baby for adoption, and I told them that I know I’m not ready to raise a baby. Most of the questions did hurt my feelings a lot, but with the support of my mom and my pregnancy counselor, I was better equipped to handle all the inquiries.
Once it was time to meet the adoptive family, I was nervous at first, but quickly warmed up to them when I saw how excited they were to get to know me. They asked me about my goals, dreams, and if I needed help with anything, and they even asked how involved I wanted to be after the adoption. I told them that I wanted to go to college, and have a family in the future. I also told them that all I wanted was for the baby to know who I was and that I loved them.
When it was time to have the baby, I let the adoptive family in the room with me. Once my daughter was here, the adoptive parents asked me if I wanted to name her. I said yes, and her name is Malia. It’s been 15 years, and Malia is 14 years old now. I’m a middle school English teacher with twin boys who are in preschool. Malia and I still have a strong bond, and I thank her adoptive parents for being so supportive to me in my time of need. I also thank my mom and my pregnancy counselor for helping me as well. My advice for women facing an unexpected pregnancy is to respond to inquiries about their unexpected pregnancy in a matter that you think is right. Also, only you know what the right decision is for your baby, no matter what anyone else says or thinks you should do.
Talking to an Unexpected Pregnancy Counselor
Just like Jane, an unexpected pregnancy counselor will ask you all kinds of questions about your pregnancy. Here are some of those questions and ways to respond.
What are your plans for your life?
Your response to this should be future goal-oriented. For example, if you’d like to go to school, say you’d like to further your education and graduate. If you’d like to get a new job, say that you’d like to have a career change maybe would like to further your career. Maybe someday you’d like to be married, and have a baby in a stable home environment. Whatever your dreams are for the future, respond in a way that reflects your future dreams and goals.
Would you like to discuss your options?
There are three options that your unexpected pregnancy counselor will talk to you about; raising your baby, abortion, or adoption. You can always learn about your unplanned pregnancy options and if you’re unsure about which option to choose, you can respond to this question by saying yes to discussing each option.
Have you decided on an option?
Your response should be either yes or no, and if you’re unsure, it helps to take some time to think about your options. Your ultimate choice shouldn’t be taken lightly because all of your choices are life-changing.
What type of family do you want to raise your baby?
If you chose adoption, you should respond by talking about what kind of adoptive family you’d picture your baby with. If you’re unsure, you can ask your pregnancy counselor to look at family adoption profiles.
Would you like any help to make an adoption plan?
Your response to this question depends on whether you’d like the pregnancy counselor’s help or not.
Making an adoption plan for your baby will have you prepared throughout your pregnancy, and even after the adoption has taken place.
Questions from Friends, Family, and Co-Workers
Chances are that your friends, family, and coworkers will have lots of inquiries about your unexpected pregnancy. Some questions might be harsh, and some questions most likely would be asked with good intentions. Here are some common inquiries:
Why did you get pregnant?
An unexpected pregnancy can happen to any woman, and your response to this question should be that you weren’t purposely trying to get pregnant.
Are you sure you’re making the right choice?
Whether you choose to parent your baby, go through an abortion, or place your baby for adoption, you shouldn’t feel bad about your decision. The choice is yours to make, and don’t let anyone try to persuade you into a choice you don’t want to make.
Why are you choosing that option?
If you let your option be known already, and they question why you chose that option, be open about it. You can tell the reasons why you made that decision. Also, if you don’t want to tell them why that’s completely okay too; your choice is your business.
Why aren’t you happy about being pregnant?
This one can be a very emotional question to answer. Finding that you’re unexpectedly pregnant is hard enough as it is. Having loved ones and co-workers happy about your pregnancy while you’re feeling a flurry of emotions can be tough to deal with. It’s normal to not feel happy about it. Be honest about how you feel to those who will support you and respect how you feel about your pregnancy.
Aren’t you worried about your future?
There’s no doubt that all three options will change you and your baby’s lives forever. Your response can be that you want a good future for both you and your baby and that you can still do great things in your life.
Are you going to get married?
This question can also be hard to take too, especially when you know you’re not ready for marriage. Just because you’re unexpectedly pregnant, doesn’t mean you have to rush to the altar. If you’re not together with the baby’s father, simply say no. If you’d like to get married someday, just say maybe in the future, and if you don’t ever picture getting married, that’s okay too.
Why haven’t you told everyone yet?
Your unexpected pregnancy is your business, and you don’t have to announce to the world that you’re pregnant. You shouldn’t let anyone make you feel guilty about hiding your pregnancy and the decision you want to make. Your response should be that you’re not wanting the world to know about something that’s going on with your body and that they should respect your privacy.
The Adoptive Family
If you chose adoption for your baby, and if you’ve chosen an open or semi-open adoption, the adoptive family that you’ve picked will have inquiries about your unexpected pregnancy. These are the people that will be raising your baby, so please don’t hesitate to ask questions to the adoptive family before placing with them, and be open to the questions they’ll have for you.
How involved would you like to be in the baby’s life?
Respond to this question by letting the adoptive parents know if you’d like to be involved with holidays, special events, receiving photos, visits, and updates. It’s a good idea to also ask the adoptive parents how involved they would want you to be in your baby’s life too.
When is your due date?
You can let the adoptive parents know your due date it will help them get ready for the baby and to be supportive when that day comes.
How does your family feel about your unexpected pregnancy?
This question isn’t asked often, but there could be a chance this inquiry does come up. If it’s hard to talk about your family, you can respond by saying you don’t want to talk about it. If you’re okay with letting the adoptive family know how your family feels, you can let them know. You don’t have to get into every detail they said about your unexpected pregnancy, but feel free to let them know their general feelings.
How are you feeling?
You might be feeling excited, happy, sad, doubtful, nervous, and everything in between. An unexpected pregnancy is a very emotional time for any woman. If you feel okay with sharing how you feel with the adoptive parents, by all means, do so. The adoptive parents should be supportive and encouraging; they shouldn’t try to purposely put you down. If you’re not the emotional type, that’s okay too. You can respond by saying that you don’t wish to talk about it at this time.
How does the baby’s father feel?
If you’ve talked about the adoption with your baby’s father, and he’s against the adoption, don’t let that persuade your decision, and you can feel free to let the adoptive parents know how he feels. If he doesn’t know about the adoption, you can tell the adoptive parents that.
What made you choose us as the adoptive parents?
You can answer this question by thinking about the good things that you’ve seen and heard about them. Point out what you like about them most, and how you believe that they’ll make great parents to your baby.
In the End, It’s Up to You
As you can see in this article, there are tons of inquiries that will come up about your unexpected pregnancy. It’s completely up to you how you respond to all the inquiries, and I hope that this article has helped you with some great responses. Remember that this is your pregnancy, and if you feel uncomfortable about talking about any of the inquiries, it’s completely okay to say that you don’t want to answer those questions. Whatever decision you choose to make, is completely yours, regardless of any inquiries.