When you think of adoption, most people think of the phrase “putting kids up for adoption.” That is not what adoption is at all. If you find yourself in an unplanned pregnancy, this article will walk you through the steps of putting kids up for adoption. (Check out Positive Adoption language and why “placing kids for adoption” is a better alternative to “putting kids up for adoption.”)
What Does Putting Kids Up for Adoption Mean?
It does not matter how old your child or children are when you make the decision that you may not be able to provide them with the best care anymore. Putting kids up for adoption means that you either surrender your child or children to the state foster care system, or you work with an adoption agency or an adoption attorney to place your child/ren with a family or individual who you deem more equipped to raise them.
Reasons for PuttingYour Kids Up for Adoption
There are many reasons why someone might decide to place a child for adoption. Some of these reasons are:
- Age: you may feel that you are too young to raise a child. If you are considering continuing your education, parenthood may not be the right step for you. If you are not continuing your education but feel that introducing a child into your life doesn’t align with your lifestyle you may be considering adoption.
- Environment: You don’t have to be a stereotypical case of teen pregnancy to consider adoption. If you feel that your home or community is an unsafe place to raise a child, you may be considering adoption. If you find yourself in an unsafe circumstance, reach out to Domestic Violence Support.
- Family Planning: Even families who already have children in the home may consider adoption as a better alternative to parenting. Whether you find yourself in an unplanned pregnancy with limited resources or you are considering surrendering your children to the state, there are adoption options available to you.
6 Steps to Putting Your Kids Up for Adoption
- Make the decision
If you feel that you are too young to parent, you can choose to place your child in a home with different circumstances. Regardless of why you make the decision, remember to put the health and well-being of your family first. You may find that, as you consider adoption, you experience grief. Grief is a normal emotion that you can learn to embrace and cope with throughout your adoption journey.
- Choose what type of adoption is right for you.
There are three types of adoption you want to look into when placing your child for adoption. Researching these as you consider your options is extremely important.
Domestic Infant adoption
: This is the most common of adoption aspects as a large majority of families or individuals looking to adopt, especially those who cannot or have not had the experience of pregnancy and want a baby.
There are two ways to accomplish this. Some parents choose to place a child with a friend or distant acquaintance. This allows for more open adoption and peace of mind that the child is being raised by someone who the parent trusts.
You may also choose to find a family through an agency. The Gladney Center for Adoption is one of the best agencies to work with when you are putting your kids up for adoption, Although they are based in Texas with several offices in that area, they help parents who are considering adoption anywhere in the United States or even in other countries. If they are not the right agency for you, they will be more than happy to assist you in finding an agency that meets your needs.
If you are a parent who finds that you are unable to provide a safe and stable environment for your children, you may consider foster care.. Working with a state social worker, he or she will evaluate whether being placed in foster care is in the child(ren)’s’ best interest.
Foster care acts as a temporary respite. Typically, the judge working on your case will require certain steps be taken by the parent to learn parenting skills, provide a stable environment, and possibly reunite with the child(ren). Reunion is dependent on the parent’s willingness and success to prove they are fit to parent.
While foster care is typically an involuntary route to placing a child for adoption, kinship adoption seems to be a good middle-ground for parents who recognize they are unable to parent but would like to keep the child(ren) close to the family. In cases where this is a safe and possible option, it can be a huge blessing to the family and the children who can typically continue to develop a relationship with the biological parent
- Ask for help
There is a myriad of emotions that you find yourself going through once you have chosen to place your kids for adoption. You may require financial aid which is an option through the state and your adoption agency. Different states have different laws about financial aid for expectant mothers considering adoption. Contact your agency to learn what services they provide and what your options are. The Gladney Center for Adoption provides areas such as housing and medical expenses. One of the most helpful items they provide is therapy. A lot of other agencies provide this as well as they realize that you are dealing with something you were never prepared for and that a therapist can help you navigate the emotions that are certain to surface. Therapy is not only vital while you are in the throes of placing your kids for adoption but afterward as well because there will be days when you are doing well, and others when you are barely holding it together.
- Choose a family
This may be the second hardest decision to make next to putting your kids up for adoption. This is where, if you do not know someone who would like to adopt, nor do you have relatives willing to take your child(ren) in, you must search through photo listings of the many people who want to adopt. Strangers with who you can feel comfortable placing your child(ren). The issue, as I stated earlier, is that most first-time prospective adoptive parents want to adopt babies, and if you have older children, it is more difficult to find someone to take them, so they would most likely end up in foster care.
There are certain criteria that someone considering adoption looks for when they are looking at prospective parents. Some of these include: the prospective adoptive parents must be married for more than 10 years; there must be stability financially, physically and mentally, and emotionally; and the child(ren) must be a good fit in the home.
- Meeting the prospective adoptive parents
Once you have chosen who you want to place your child(ren) with, then comes meeting the couple or individual. Meeting people for the first time is typically nerve-racking in any situation, but when you are meeting people who could potentially raise your child(ren) as their own.
You can come up with questions that would break the ice on the first meeting once you’ve broken the ice, you may get into more serious questions about parenting style of discipline.
- Finalize the adoption
Most of the time, when placing your kids for adoption, there is a hearing with a judge who is the deciding factor as to whether the adoption will happen. In most states, if your children are 12 or older, they can decide for themselves whether they want to be adopted by someone else or not. At that age, it would be a hard decision to make, especially for a kid that young.
Putting your kids up for adoption or the more positive term, placing your kids for adoption is not only a difficult decision, especially if they are older and you have been raising them yourself, but it is also selfless love for them when you come to terms with the fact that they may thrive better in a different environment. When it comes to making this decision, there are many aspects to consider and should never be rushed. Always, always trust your gut!
Jenn Martin-Wright is a cowboy, jean-wearing, country music and rock-loving cowgirl who loves books and jewelry. She was born three months too early with a disability that should have taken any semblance of a normal life from her. Her mom made sure Jenn did everything she was capable of. Coming from a big family, it was either keep up or get left in the dust. Jenn graduated high school, then went on to getting married, having kids, and receiving a BS in Social Work. Jenn lives in Idaho with her kids and a Maltese named Oakley who has become her writing helper as she writes novels under an alias of different genres.